So I was in the middle of a lot of different things that kept me busy this evening. All miscellaneous tasks that kept me busy and my mind engrossed. I was doing multiple things together and yet nothing at all. Relatable isn’t it? A number of questions started daunting me. It was as if I was living in this cloud, one second back and now I’m out of it. Like as if a force pushed me out. I know, I might go back in there yet again however, this feels like a moment of utmost culmination. Will the good that I am doing remain? Will I feel great about this decision later? Will I be well regarded? Will I land up where I’ve set my goal? Am I good enough? The rest of the questions begin and end with confusion but the last one is always one which my ever low self-esteem answers with a no. I never ever feel enough. I always feel like there’s more that I need to do, more that I need to be, more that I need to get. I hate it. I hate this feeling. And yet I love dreaming big. The dream makes me act, the actions make me think more, want more, do more, and it all ends with me ranting like this, on my Logitech keyboard or my phone or diary. It is a cycle I think. When I dream I am happy when I act, I expect more out of myself and it ends up making me feel less. Such romance between two feelings, one of being and one of not being!
DISCLAIMER : Views expressed above are the author’s own.