Years ago when i managed to scrape through my Bachelor of Arts (BA) degree, i thought that was the last series of tests i would have to do. I was wrong.
Every day i get text messages on my phone urging me to do more tests, and it’s likely that you get similar communications as well. All these tests that we’re cajoled to undergo have nothing to do with academics but with our anatomy: they are medical tests.
Medical tests for what? For just about everything, and then some more. You name it, and there’s a medical test for it. In fact there are medical tests for things which you can’t name, for the simple reason you can’t pronounce the tongue-twisting thing you’re being asked to get tested for.
There are tests for cholesterol and triglycerides, and blood sugar, and liver function, and thyroid, and haemoglobin count, and now for coronavirus.
The other day i got a message offering to give me 80 tests for a mere Rs 1,999, plus GST. This intrigued me. I did not know that my body contained 80 bits and pieces which could be in need of testing.
But it seems that i must indeed have 80 bodily parts which are test-worthy, and so must you have. And as if all this weren’t enough for us to get ourselves regularly tested, there are also vitamins, or, rather, lack of vitamins for which we need to get tests done.
I’d heard of vitamins A, B, C, D and E, and it seems that all of us need to go and immediately get our Bs and Ds tested for possible deficiency which might result in chronic exhaustion, clinical depression, and, for all we know, involuntary depilation and premature baldness.
And that still leaves vitamins F, G, H, all the way to X, Y, and Z, which medicos have yet to discover but will doubtless soon do so, and advise us to get ourselves tested for them as well.
I managed to pass my BA. But i doubt i’ll be able to pass all these other tests. And even if i do, there’s one thing of mine which will certainly fail all these tests – my bank balance.
DISCLAIMER : This article is intended to bring a smile to your face. Any connection to events and characters in real life is coincidental.