Are your relationships organic

Organic seems to be the new buzzword! A new truism associated with health and of course good health is associated with happiness. The good part is that health nowadays is looked at in a holistic manner, so it’s mental, emotional and spiritual health in addition to physical well-being that’s aspirational. It’s pretty interesting how there’s a growing clamour for “organic” to be a part of every aspect of our lives. There’s a demand and push for people to move out closed mental boxes and fixed ways of thinking and evolve into open minded individuals. New schooling systems are challenging kids to think out of the box and companies are focussed on hiring individuals beyond what they bring as academic qualifications or years of experience. Emotionally as well, there’s a wonderful shift taking place within relationships where roles and responsibilities are shifting from stereotype to free-form. With rapidly changing social and financial dynamics, people are realising that positive and loving relationships aren’t formulae based or compartments you fit into. Being organic within relationships is the best and most positive way to empower relationships and take them from strength to strength. This means eliminating pesticides like ownership, entitlement, pre-conceived prejudice and authority from all equations. For example, not seeing a step-parent as a threat, but as human beings who are equally in need of being loved and giving love. Or a best friend who moves on to other circles and still remains a soul-sister for life because both of you had the freedom to expand and explore but kept the respect and love intact. Ex-spouses who continue to remain friends because they value what they shared and are clear that the other person was someone wonderful who mattered and changed equations doesn’t diminish that. Or husbands who choose to be the stay at home dad while the wife goes to work, because based on capability and interests it empowers both individuals and the marriage to it’s fullest. The list goes on as to how people are choosing to give sunlight and water consistently to relationships by working with their changing likes, interests, dynamics, resources and capabilities rather than fit moulds that confine them to a toxic existence. Open your hearts, open your minds and let go of easy pesticides. It’s time to nourish your life with organic relationships.

I’m 60 and lonely. I don’t have friends; my children have all flown abroad to work and settle in. They don’t intend to return to India. My husband died a few weeks ago. In fact, the kids offered me to stay with them but I don’t feel connected to their surroundings there. I don’t know where I should start life all over again and whether my kids will approve of what I decide to do — seek work, fall in love again…What should I do?  

It’s just been a couple of weeks since you lost your life companion, so instead of worrying about the future focus first on healing emotionally in the present. Read, exercise, pursue a hobby and pamper yourself. It’s clear you’re not a social person so perhaps it might be a good idea at a later point to join a social volunteer group/ club and immerse yourself in emotionally productive activities and make some like minded friends along the way. In time you may find a companion or seek the company of your children, but deal with that when it’s time to cross the bridge.

My girlfriend and I are settled in our careers and her family is accepting me, but mine isn’t. I respect my parent’s feelings but at the same time I can’t leave her. They aren’t ready to accept her because they have chosen another girl for me. I want to marry my girlfriend but also keep my family happy, what should I do?

Just make sure the girl they have chosen for you doesn’t like you. Meet her (keep your girlfriend in the loop about the hilarious plan) and make sure you do everything that irritates, bores or disgusts her. Talk about things that don’t interest her, point out differences rather than similarities and make it apparent there’s no commonality.

My best friend and I have always hung out together. After the 12th standard, she joined a new college and has found a new set of friends. I feel ignored and lonely. I tried hinting that she could invite me too, but she has either not taken the hint or doesn’t want to invite me. What should I do?

I’ve had many best friends over the years and I love them all. Each had a special place at different points in my life and stay dear till date. She must be focussed on adapting to her new world and creating a new dynamic. True friends understand, adapt and evolve. So, thank her for the good times and move forward to your new world as well. Whenever paths cross in the future it should be with a smile and a happy heart.

DISCLAIMER : Views expressed above are the author’s own.

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